How To Become Conservative

• Get "prowled". This is where they walk down the street and open any unlocked cars, taking what they see.
• Get vandalized.
• Get threatened.
  
• Invite your friends over for a delicious and eccentric burrito feast. Drink some wine and tell some stories. Move upstairs to dance and play the drums and keyboard. Have a thief walk into your home and steal your housemate's livelihood and, perhaps, the most valuable object he owns - a laptop.

I suddenly want to build a fence and hire more cops.

About two hours ago, while we were dancing around upstairs, an entity of some sort, a person, probably a man, probably unhappy, walked into our downstairs room and took my housemate's MacBook.